When we are dating someone we like, it is easy for our emotions to run high. When our emotions run high, it is easy to overreact. Preventing an overreaction is all about pausing, listening, and expressing yourself calmly – implementing the basics of conflict management.
Your overreaction could be to something small, like not getting a text response in an appropriate time frame, or something larger, like learning that your partner is still in contact with their ex. No matter the content of the issue at hand, we don’t want to overreact. In fact, we don’t even want to react at all. We want to respond.
When you are feeling anxious, upset, frustrated, or angry with someone you are dating, first take a pause and then gently respond rather than impulsive reacting. Before you say or do anything, pause for 30 seconds, 30 minutes, 3 hours, 3 days... just PAUSE. Then, you will be able to respond to the situation rather than react to the situation.
Reacting (and overreacting) are always impulsive. Reacting means:
Responding, on the other hand, is clear, calm, and well-reasoned; but you can only respond after you've paused for X amount of time. Responding means:
Yes, I know it is easier said than done. Just because it is simple doesn’t mean it is easy to implement. But begin practicing this in little ways every day – with your friends, your boss, your mom, and your dates – and pretty soon you’ll be as calm and even-tempered as a monk, with no overreactions in sight!
Kevin Nahai from the Keys Team
Dating & Relationship Coach
IG: @KevinNahai