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June 21, 2022

Establishing Trust In A Dom/Sub Relationship

The relationship between a Dom and a Sub is simultaneously very similar to and very different from most other relationships. Similar in the sense that, like all relationships, the D/S dynamic requires immense trust, communication, and respect in order to work. Different in the sense that, unlike other relationships, the D/S dynamic has a clear and intentional imbalance of power baked into it – which, if not attended to properly, can become tricky territory. 

In this article we’ll be focusing on one particular aspect of the D/S relationship, and possibly the most important: trust. Without it, BDSM is a non-starter. 

Trust Tip # 1: Learn how to talk to your partner about kinks.

The consent, role play prior, and debrief after are absolutely essential for establishing trust. More here.

Trust Tip # 2: It is better to over-communicate than to under-communicate.

There is no such thing as too much communication; only untimely and inappropriate communication. If you like something, say it. If you don’t like something, say it. Say everything – just in a nice way and at the right time. Mean what you say, say what you mean, and don’t say it mean! 

Trust Tip # 3: Reliability is everything.

It is impossible to trust someone unless you can feel that the ground under your feet is solid with them. Be responsive, receptive, consistent, available, and reliable. If you can’t show up or be available, explain why. Never ghost, don’t be hot and cold or inconsistent, and do your best not to leave someone in the dark about what you’re feeling.

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Trust Tip # 4: Do your job and let them do theirs.

Subs, trust your Dom! You wanted to be the Sub for a reason – now let the Dom do their job. Doms, listen to your Subs! Be observant and attentive to what they like and don’t like. Respect each other’s roles. 

Trust Tip # 5: Get to know each other outside of the bedroom.

You’d be surprised how much this will bond you and your partner together and intensify trust & intimacy. Go for ice cream. Talk about your childhoods and your future goals. Spend entire days together with no sex. Make small promises to each other and keep them. That is where the trust gets built.

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