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June 27, 2022

How To Find Your Person: A Lesson From Judaism

In Judaism there is a concept called The Shidduch. The literal translation of Shidduch is a Jewish arranged marriage between Orthodox Jewish families, but Shidduchim (plural for Shidduch) has become a loose phenomenon of matchmaking and dating for the purpose of marriage. Finding your Shidduch essentially means finding your spouse, soulmate, life-partner, et cetera. 


So, how should we go about finding our Shidduch?


(Before I continue, let me qualify: I am Jewish and I meet with a Rabbi once a week, but this Blog is simply intended to offer an interesting perspective. It is not intended to convert anyone or covet Judaism above any other faith).


Anyway, over the years, hundreds and hundreds of Rabbis and prominent Jewish figures have offered answers to the million-dollar question italicized above. As a Dating & Relationship Coach, this is a question I think, write, and talk about day and night. I’ve listened to and read it all.


A few months ago, I was meeting with my Rabbi and decided to ask his perspective on this question. Without hesitation, he gave me one of the simplest yet most profound answers I’ve heard yet: 


We find our Shidduch based on our level of righteousness.

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That’s it. The more righteous we are, the kinder we are, the better we are, the more likely we are to find our Shidduch. If we are consistently pure and virtuous, our good deeds will be rewarded and we will find love at the right time.


What this means is that finding our person and creating the relationship of our dreams is an internal job, not an external search. To find something that already exists out there, we must first look within. When we go to work on our own righteousness, God, universe, and time conspire in our favor and bring the right person into our lives. And the goodness in them will be a reflection of the goodness in us. 


Let’s get to work!


Kevin from the Keys Team 

Professional Dating & Relationship Coach

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