How do you predict the future with the person you’re dating?
How do you even know if you have a future with this person?
What will your future look like together?
The answer is short and sweet: look at their behavior right now. The way someone thinks, speaks, and behaves right now is the single most accurate and reliable predictor of their future behavior, and what your lives will look like together.
If they are rude and dismissive toward the waiter when you’re out to dinner, they’re probably going to be dismissive of you at some point.
If they are dishonest and shifty in business, they’re probably going to be dishonest and evasive with you.
If they have commitment issues with you right now, or have never been able to hold down a stable job/relationship before you, their commitment issues will probably still exist in the near future.
And so on.
Yes, people can change -- but only if they really want to. My job is to help people begin changing themselves and their lives for the better, so I know that we are all capable of self-assessment and growth. I also know that if the person does not want to change themselves, neither me, nor you, nor God, nor a miracle can help them.
Furthermore, it is not your responsibility to change/fix someone else. Of course, you can (and should) communicate your needs to them and express what you’d like them to do differently. But once you’ve done that, the ball is in their court. If you keep asking for the same thing over and over again and nothing is changing, it is because the other person does not wish to change. In that case, you’d be a fool to think that it is within your scope of power and responsibility to fix their problems for them. You’re each other’s love interest, not each other’s coach/therapist/mother.
What is your responsibility is to believe the person you’re interested in when they show you who they are. The truth comes out pretty quickly. People can hide who they are for only a short period of time; on average, 6 months maximum. And if you’re really paying attention, you’ll see glimpses of their truest colors (good and bad) well before then.
If you see colors that you don’t like or that seriously concern you, don’t rationalize or justify it. And even worse, don’t bank on someone else’s behavior becoming different. We cannot date someone’s potential to become what we want them to be; we can only date who they are right now, and either accept it or not.
Pay attention, proceed with confidence, and choose wisely. The writing for the future is on the wall today.