A photo of a distant airplane in a sky that fades from an intense azure to a dusty blush of pink
June 27, 2022

Should you be dating right now, or do you need to work on yourself first?

Glad this title got your attention. “Should you be dating right now, or do you need to take a break and do some work on yourself first?” is another way of asking: “Is your airplane safe enough to fly?” 

If you had an airplane that you knew had a gas leak and a broken wing, would you invite passengers you love to fly on it with you? I am assuming the answer is no. Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair for you to bring someone into a relationship with you until/unless you have repaired your faulty engineering. Here are some examples of that faulty engineering: 

  • Attachment issues 
  • Fear of abandonment
  • Codependency
  • Being in close contact with your ex
  • Having relationship problems with someone you’re no longer in a relationship with 
  • Being emotionally compromised from a previous relationship
  • Fierce self-reliance, not having space for a relationship
  • Playing mind games 

These are all “broken wings” that need to be repaired before entering a new relationship. 

Having said that: you do not need to be, and never will be, perfect. You do not have to be 100% whole or complete on your own; if you were, there would be no purpose for a relationship. You just have to be safe enough to fly, which means that you have worked through any significant emotional challenges or bad habits that are impediments to success in a relationship. Progress, not perfection!

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As long as you’re thinking about this, consider the reverse too: 

Would you step onto an airplane that you knew had a gas leak or a broken wing? Again, I’m assuming the answer is no. Therefore, it wouldn’t be advisable for you to enter (or stay) in a relationship that you see is likely to crash and burn. Don’t make the mistake of stepping onto someone else’s broken plane and expect that it will magically fly straight; fix your own gas leaks and broken wings, and then choose somebody who has done the same. Your emotional safety in dating and relationships should be treated with the same level of care, caution, and common sense as would be your physical safety on an airplane. More on that here.

Kevin from the Keys Team

Professional Dating & Relationship Coach

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