Talking about “date things”

If you search your heart, do you really care how many siblings someone has? If not, I think that’s ok. Most of my friends are actively dating, and in preparation for this column, I asked them what they wish they could change about their recent dating experiences. Something that came up more than once was the monotony and, quite frankly, the drudgery of the first few dates and their tired conversations. If we pause to think about it, I think we can all acknowledge that first and even second dates follow a certain script of “getting to know you” questions. If you’re trying to have a hot girl summer, chances are you’re talking about these things A LOT. I’m talking pets! Siblings! Astrology! Jobs! Whether or not you’re going to college! How your summer’s going! Do you like dogs!

And if these conversations are enjoyable to you, and you use them to build a foundational idea about the person you’re dating, that’s awesome. Carry on. But I can definitely see how having the same conversations to get answers that don’t mean anything to you could quickly wear thin. It can be tempting to skip over the surface stuff, dive in into 4th date stuff on date one just to break the interminable pattern. And I say go for it! When you’re dating, you’re looking for compatibility, and a great way to determine whether that’s there is to see if they’ll follow you out of the forest of tiresome talk. 

If someone asks me what I studied in college or what I want to do with that, my brain will immediately get so bored that it wanders away. I’m sure I’m not the only one. Try asking someone what they think they’re most toxic trait is, or what they think their most memorable nightmare means, and the date will either go really well or really poorly, but at least you won’t have to talk about where they’re siblings live or how long they’ve been at their current job.