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December 1, 2021

Why Shared Interests Aren’t The Metric For Compatibility

I used to worry about finding someone with whom I had enough in common. What if I met someone, and we liked each other, but didn’t like any of the same things. Am I being too picky? Well I found someone, and have been with them for roughly 8 years, and I love them and hate most of the things that they love. My partner cares very deeply for the Zelda franchise and its millions of hours worth of lore. Now, while  I’d argue that this is objectively boring content, when they talk about it, when they show how much they’ve learned, when their face lights up as they tell me, again, about the Macarena Of Time, I’m interested… in them. 

When you approach your crush’s interests with an open mind, you get the chance to learn something new while learning about them. The ebay case scenario would be that then you, too, might take a keen interest in what they show you, maybe underwater basket weaving, or the infinite culinary versatility of the chickpea. If you don’t rule someone out for being interested in odd things, a word of passion (in more ways than one) may open up to you. 

If the rise of nerd culture is anything to measure by, caring about things is cool again. So own your crazy hobbies and bizarre fascinations. Find someone that wants to learn about you, and with you. Sharing your different hobbies can also unlock a world of new and creative date opportunities. If they’re into astrology, that’s a stargazing date waiting to happen; If you’re really into making bread, invite them for a bread date, where they help you make a loaf or two, and conclude with a bread-based meal. 

So, if you’re not worried too much about shared interests, what do you need to share? Personality. Values. Take a moment to think about your core values and the personality traits that are attractive to you. Kindness, honesty, sense of humor, communication. What values and qualities are non-negotiable for you? To really flesh these out, jot them down. Return to them often, especially when getting to know someone new. This will help you prioritize true compatibility and connection. Now get out there and flirt your way into a hot bread date!


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