Five matches, the fourth from left is half-burnt, the fifth is new and has a leaf growing from it.

December 1, 2021

Your Least Favorite Things: Starting Over

Have you done some heart-shattering spring cleaning this year? Are you dreading the thought of “getting back out there” despite genuinely wanting to find and love someone new? You’re definitely not alone. This month on YLFT, we’re talking about what might be the most exhausting part of the dating experience: starting over with someone new. It can be so hard. You put in so much emotional energy into someone, and then suddenly it’s over and you have to respawn in the awkward beginning. Here are some tips for staying in the right headspace when getting ready to start over with someone new. 


Remind yourself (often), that this person is their own person. 

Catch yourself when you expect them to be like the last person you were with.  Notice when they surprise you. Getting to know someone is emotional work, but if you’re doing that work, it means someone is letting you into their life, and showing you who they are, and that’s a privilege. 


Recognize change in yourself

The person you’re starting over with may not be the only thing that’s different. Notice if you’ve changed as well; are you looking for different things in this person? Hoping for different outcomes? Acknowledge your changes and keep them in mind as you navigate the early stages with someone new.


Be realistic about your expectations

Do you want things to vibe perfectly from day one? Are you anticipating certain shared interests? Recognize the expectations you’re putting on this new relationship, and acknowledge (even if it sucks) that this might not work out. And that’s ok. The time you spend sharing yourself and getting to know someone else isn’t a waste, even if it doesn’t go far. 


Starting over with someone new can feel daunting, but if you’re ready for it, you’ll know. If you feel like you don’t have the emotional bandwidth to be excited by a new person, maybe you need to take a longer break to recenter before getting back out there. As always, if you need help breaking the ice or keeping the convo flowing with someone new, you know where to find us.

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